Into My Dreams

Everyday when I wake up , I see things like violence , ignorance , deceit , and so much going on everyday. Death has changed me so much. The innocent Jonathan I thought I knew and love is gone. He never existed and it’s like I’m a empty vessel just living life with no purpose. I’ve lost myself four years ago. I’m not even sure if I know how to be Jonathan Reuben Taylor anymore. For four years , after Mother’s death , months went through searching for who I really was. I’m still doing so today. I constantly think that for just one second , someone would get hurt because of me. A lot of people at school try and pursue me but I know that their “love” for me is not real. I’m a virgin and I am very proud of protecting my soul from someone who wouldn’t even have a second thought of trying to inappropriately touch me. I don’t need that in my life. Some people look at me like I’m crazy because I never do drugs , or have sex with whores , or participate in unnecessary violence. I’m not a violent person at all , although there is some darkness within me , but God will show me the light. (:  I never tell anyone I Love them because I only truly love person and I’ve loved him for 8 and a half months and I still do. I have made a few mistakes in the past , but I know that doesn’t make me a bad person and I can learn from these mistakes to heal myself and find the “Real Jonathan.” Right now , I have to concentrate on my education and hope to be a successful graphic artist. I know what I feel is very real , but sometimes I doubt myself , but I shake it completely off because I know that God is with me every step of the way. One day , I hope to find the real Jonathan that was once happy but is for now just a shell of a young man mirrored through the glass. You’re out there somewhere and I will find you one day…and you’ll be happy. (:

Hey Everyone. I’m Jonathan.^^ It’s great to meet you all. I have made some mistakes in my life and I know that I can never change what I’ve done. All I can do is try and make amends and build a better future and forgive. In the past , I’ve pushed some of my friends away and made a huge mistake doing that. One of my good friends is finally in love with someone and that I know they’ll be together forever. They’ll get married and have children and die peacefully in each other’s arms. I’ll probably be a lonely old man living in a big house until I die peacefully forever with a broken heart. All I can do is be a good friend and hide my feelings. One thing I will do forever is be the best friend I can be. (: No matter how sad I feel inside , I have to put on a smile and be happy for the ones around me.